It's just a phase, Yvonne.

Hello, blog.

It's been awhile. I havent been updating because I had nothing to complain. I had the greatest time of my life, spending coming 3 years with the best companion I could ever ask for.

Yesterday when I saw you drop tears I wish I could hold you back. I wish I could tell you how much I want you in my life but I couldn't. I shouldn't. Because I'm the one who started all these, and I should clearly let you go.

Today I fought hard not to text you. I wanted to ask if I could be by your side till end of this year while you hit your lifetime achievers. I wanted to ask if we could proceed with the Taiwan trip as planned, even as friends, since you mentioned you have always wanted to travel with a female friend. But I didn't, for fear of rejection.

I havent broken down until I met you last evening. And I havent stopped crying since then.

Tell me you feel the same. Tell me you can forgive me. And I will fight for you again.

I will.

I don't know what I'm feeling.

I feel lost, suffocated.

I miss pcs, yet I don't wanna return back to my job scope.
I love the job scope in my current company, but I don't feel a sense of belonging.
I want money, deep down inside I want to do sales. But I'm afraid.

Just one more year von. One more year. Get through this and days will be better.

 

 

Perhaps it's not about if we are every ready for love, but if love was ready for us.

 

Love you big time. :)

不要再信男生了.

Waited almost 2 years for someone who never belonged to me because of an impactful sentence he last said during the breakup that happened Nov 2014: maybe, just maybe, we will meet again in the parallel universe, and in there we will be happy.

And finally I got him; we still struggled. I denied the fact we were never meant to be and fought hard until I couldn't find any more reason to hold on.

In this one month I cried hard. Reflected hard. Avoided hard. Vented hard. Loved hard.

In this one month I fell sick for a week but you stopped asking after 2 days.
In this one month I struggled at work with office politics and expectations.
In this one month I made the biggest physical change (sadly & fortunately not weight)
In this one month I stared most at your last seen and status in hope to feel better of this harsh decision I've made.
In this one month I shut down my phone at night when I missed us.
In this one month I seek for a closure and an answer behind her action.


I took the courage to drop by your house at midnight after a month, for the very last time. Your lights weren't on.

Letting go has always been simple, but never easy especially for one who hates living with uncertainty and unfamiliarity.

But I'm glad to say I have reached the last stage of moving on: Renewed.


Renewed: the world is brighter, happier, lighter. That huge weight of pain and fear has been lifted and all you feel is excitement. Excitement for whats to come, excitement for the possibilities. 


Thank you, Sandy Retarded Koh, Aaron Grumpy Sia, Nana Tan, Jiewen Neo, 红红的爸爸, Alamak Ng & Mommy Ong for your selfless acts in this period. 

Yvonne 终于从心里面笑了. 


Love you beef cube & 金金

U r gross af.